Overwhelming Frustration Vs. Ongoing Ambition

Alright. So. These life drawings (which took forever to scan in since I had 18 x 24 newsprint on a 8 x 12 scanner)were done Tuesday, July 4th, with Shawn as the model. It was an odd, uneventful day. It was made better with my conversations on the way here to Seneca @ York with Shawn, but overall, I've been fairly disappointed with my progress in life drawing. I feel as if I'm just violently mashing conte or charcoal into my newsprint. Not only do I feel that I'm wasting valuable materials, worse still, I feel as if I'm not progressing the way I should be.

It feels as if all my frustrations are wrapping themselves around my tiny little brain. It's as if when I put down any lines, or think of different processes, my mind somehow always goes back to "what the hell am I doing?". I need rest, and I need to read some books. I'm not the type of person to give up so easily...I'm the type of person who uses anger as a tool to overcome my faults and weaknesses.

This is my mentality when I compete in sports; screw the poetry if it turns out that way:

I'm not lookin' too hot, so what the hell can I do?

Think. Just think.

Can I beat them? Of course I can...I've worked harder. I'm better. I'm stronger.

What fancy *bleep* can I pull out of my *bleep* to win? What do I know, that they don't know? What can I use to my advantage?

Most of all, how bad do they want it? Not as much as I do. I want that win. I want it bad....

* * * * * * *

and whenever I pumped myself up, usually, we always won. I think I'm going to use what works for me. In this case, I know I'm ambitious. I'm going to use that focus and drive to beat this mother effing life drawing. 'Scuse the french, but I'm going to kick it's ass. KICK ITS' ASS!